Move over, Chuck Norris. Brian Buchanan’s taking over now.

So if Chuck Norris is a superhero… then what does that make Brian Buchanan?
Who needs Chuck Norris when you’ve got the world’s best multi-tasker?

Here are ten facts. 

1. Brian Buchanan can sing, play the fiddle, piano and guitar… while jumping 10 feet in the air, chatting on eth-tv AND enjoying a cold beer. All at the same time. Questioning how he does this will make the world explode.
2. Brian Buchanan does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly on his head due to the wind generated by his fiddling, especially during Arcturus.
3. The Internet is really a collection of Brian Buchanan’s dreams and sometimes his nightmares. But it’s ok: the social notworking sites have already eaten your brain out, so you only get to see the good parts of the interwebz.
4. Brian Buchanan can in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with his bow, while playing the left-hand line on his  keyboard at the same time.
5. The Stanley Cup was single-handedly won by Brian Buchanan for the past 27 years.
6. Brian Buchanan’s wings don’t melt when he flies into the sun. The sun gives him a comfy vacation spot, complete with copious amounts of really good beer.
7. Brian Buchanan runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch. He is the only person that can make Vista work.
8. Donald, the Mexican Scotsman and Craig Downie’s monster are in fact dead. Brian Buchanan exiled them and forced them to listen to Disney pop stars until they killed eachother after he caught them trying to sabotage his wah-wah pedals.
9. Brian Buchanan creates miracles, but he could care less than he does. It’s obvious you’re just cynical.
10. In the bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Brian Buchanan turned that wine into beer and and drank it while quietly shaking his head and laughing at the people who actually believed this.

[Note: This was only meant as a joke/satire and a parody of the Chuck Norris Facts in relation to how awesome Brian Buchanan is. Drew and I were just f'ing around with no intent of being total morons...
For real, Brian Buchanan is one fine musician who we both adore.... and this sad list is how we're paying tribute to a gent we've been stalking who's music we've been listening to and enjoying for almost five years. So you should all go buy Enter the Haggis stuff right now, or go see them perform because they are pretty frigging awesome...  And feel free to add more facts to this pathetic list!]

Tags: brian buchanan, chuck norris, enter the haggis, satire, why brian buchanan will one day rule the world